It’s funny. I’m an overachiever. I’m one of those people who just absorb everything and get 90s without breaking a sweat. I can just get things. I’ve been getting a 90 average for the past three years without trying. And of course, in an ironic twist of fate, once I start trying and actually need super high marks, my average starts dropping.

In theoryThis theory is based upon how I did in Grade 11. If I were really optimistic, everything would be 95 or higher except English and music., my maths and music should be close to 90, my sciences close to 95, and English should hit around 85. That would give me about 92 going into university. Right now I’m at about 89. Yes, everything is about 2-3 % below my theorizing.

I’m not usually one to go around thinking about numbers in my sleep and how much I need to get how much. I leave that to the crazy ones who cry when they get a 95 on their tests or whatnot. I’ve learned to not proclaim my marks without being asked, as was done so often back in Grade 2 or so. But one thing that really pisses me off sometimes is when I’m slightly disappointed by an 80 and people are telling me to suck it up and be grateful that I’m not like the unfortunate souls that they are, getting 49 or something.

And they’re right. There’s no point in getting riled up over one or two marks, not when it doesn’t matter. But dammit, it does matter now, every single piddly little one of those marks counts now. So I will wallow in my own ineptness and you will not criticize me and accuse me of being an arrogant elitist overachiever.

Am I going to get in to university with an 89? Of course. Cutoffs for my programs are about mid-80s. There are two things that are causing me stress, though. First is the program I want to get into: Software Engineering at UW. This is probably not worth fretting over. The second is scholarships. The only sure shot I have at a scholarship is the Principal’s award: $2000 for a 90 average. Since softeng is a crazy program costing something like $18000 a year, money would be nice to have.

It’s also kind of funny because this is exactly what I asked for just after the Atlanta STM. Just before I started typing up this post, I searched my blog for “stress” in the cool new live search I’ve got going in the sidebar, and out popped this request to God. I, in my logical processes, theorized that I wasn’t relying on God enough because I didn’t need to. So I asked Him, “push me to the limit, make me rely on You.”

As they say, be careful what you wish for — you might just get it.

As you can tell, last year wasn’t too bad. My math and physics could have been higher, but I still got out with that 90 average. It didn’t even occur to me that God, in His inifinite wisdom, would ignore me and make my Grade 12 life difficult. Not mind numbingly hard, but difficult, making me second guess myself. Forcing me to start coming back to Him.

I guess it’s time to start working on my end of the deal and, y’know, rely and trust. That sorta thing.

Tags: Christianity, scholarships, School, university

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 at 10:34 pm and is filed under Christianity, School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.